The catch 22 of motherhood
A paradox is described as a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true. Reading this I thought ain’t that motherhood. Every new mom quickly finds out that motherhood is full of both/ands. Holy barnacles, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the most worthwhile.
This is the most boring time of my life, yet everything is constantly changing. There are moments when I am called to do the most disgusting tasks all I can do is laugh about it (think potty training). We do have a choice to laugh or cry about it, or both. I hope you chose laughter. One of the byproducts of motherhood is not taking yourself too seriously. Others are humility, generosity, patience and other virtues I don’t want to practice.
Before I was pregnant I would rave about how bearing children was the ultimate honor and privilege, but when I was pregnant myself there was a lot of why me?! I would look at my husband and say I can’t believe I have to do this, and if we want more kids I have to do it all again. Ah the mom paradox. Women have a special, divine duty of childbearing that is both an honor and privilege and the hardest effin thing I have ever done.
Throughout the world 250 women are giving birth every minute, which in reality makes birth an incredibly natural, normal, commonplace event, but to the individual woman the journey of having a child may understandably be the most metamorphic event of their lives. Afterall becoming a mom literally changes your brain. So when your sister keeps offhandedly mentioning how different you are now- you can confidently respond: yes dude, I am. Read about some of the ways your brain changes in motherhood here
The truth is there is no better time than motherhood to work yourself, no matter where you are in your mom journey. So often I catch myself thinking “why didn’t I do this sooner”? (aka before baby) then my mind goes down the “this would be so much easier if I was single and childless” road. My goal has been to reroute my thoughts to now is the time, now is my chance. That’s the beauty of the mom paradox; Yes it would be 1000% easier to do self improvement child-free, but would past you have ever done it? Probably not, for a lot of reasons including that you didn’t have a tiny human watching your every move. But hey, no pressure.
You can’t go back and tell your pre children self what you know now, but you can do better knowing what you know now.
You already know that your child can both drive you insane and fill your heart
That motherhood is messy and beautiful,
it’s uncomfortable and satisfying
it’s painful at times yet whimsical at others
Eh, if it was easy everyone would do it. Here’s to doing it and doing it well.
Welcome to the mom paradox